The Fear Factor

I'm an attorney. To be more precise, I'm a civil litigator ... the kind of lawyer who fights to win disputes, in court and out, between my client and others. In the movie Clueless, the character Cher put it well when she said, "Daddy's a litigator. Those are the scariest kind of lawyer."

This past week was a big one for this litigator. I was able to settle a major class action lawsuit for a fraction of the very large demand for money that was made by my adversary. I had been working hard on this case for well over a year, chipping away at my adversary's claims, positioning the case for the best possible outcome for my client. It had kept me up nights. It had been the source of much worry for me in my waking hours.  And now, it was over ... done ... finished. I could relax.

But I couldn't relax. Within a day or two of reaching this great settlement, worries crept in: What about my other cases that received less than my full attention while this big one was going on? What time-bombs might be ticking in those neglected files? Somehow, a week for celebration became just another week of worries. How did I manage to do that to myself? If I'm the scariest kind of lawyer, why am I running scared?

Munch's The Scream

I'm not alone as a worrier. I know that my father battled anxieties. He wrote at least six sermons I've found in the barrel talking about worry. My dad described my past week to a T when he wrote, "[I]f we don't have big things to worry about, we find little things to worry about. If there is nothing at all, then we usually find ourselves being anxious over what might happen. This all goes to prove that anxiety is a basic human condition. On the surface, it shows itself in many ways, attaches itself to many concerns -- whether they be large or small or nonexistent -- but underneath it is a condition of spiritual insufficiency that wells up within us, finding its expression within us in these many ways. ... [I]f we are honest with ourselves, we must admit that we are not just afraid of this or that, but that we are simply afraid, period. We are by nature fearful."

Why are we, by nature, so fearful? There is "a condition of sin that infests every one of us ... a basic defiant spirit in us that causes us to misuse our God-given freedom and to think that we are self-reliant and independent ... a persistent drive that tells us that life will be better if we assume total responsibility for ourselves. That is sin; that is rebellion against God. [I]t results in fear and anxiety because, try as we may, we can't take care of ourselves. Time and again we flub, or we get tired of holding up the front of self-sufficiency, and anxiety creeps in. We discover that by our own choice we are out there all alone, and we're just not equal to it." 

Jesus had something to say to us as we struggle with our anxieties. My father paraphrased Jesus' words from the Sermon on the Mount this way:

• Of course if things you value are perishable, you're always going to be in a quandary over them. Why not value imperishable spiritual values which can never be taken away from you?
• And, of course, you're going to be up tight if you try to serve two competing loyalties. Then you can't be true to either one. Make up your mind. Will it be God or money?
• How ridiculous it is to worry about food and drink and clothing and houses and cars and the rest. Tend to the important things first, and God will give you what you really need. Would he have created you without providing the means for your care?
• And don't be anxious about tomorrow.  Just do your best to plan for it; tackle it with all you've got, and then step back and leave the results up to God. With all the worrying everybody ever did, when has it ever done them any good? 

"How do you find this simple faith that lets you be at peace? ... This is what it takes: No more struggle and work on your part. Just a simple realization that God is always there, all the time, supporting your very existence. Your beauty and security as a person -- the full flowering of your humanity -- is found in the simple acceptance of your total dependence upon God. [It is found] in recognizing the fact that you are God's child, and then just being it -- just as a bird is a bird and a lily is a lily -- with no thought of trying to be more. This is faith."

From: "Crippled By Anxiety"

Scripture: Matthew 6:19-34