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Scrolling through my news feed on Facebook, I spotted the post. A friend (of both the real-world and Facebook varieties) had written: "Most people don't know the difference between those they don't like and those who are their enemies. It is a lesson worth learning." Wondering about that distinction, I thought of its implications for the famous teaching of Jesus that we are to love our enemies. I wrote a comment to the post asking, "So if  I love my enemies, may I keep a lengthy list of folks I just don't like?"

As Christians, we know that we shouldn't keep an "enemies list." But we don't see much harm in keeping a list of those who annoy us, those who push our buttons, those whom we would just as soon avoid ... even within the Church. My father addressed this very issue in a sermon called "Walk in Love." Here's what he had to say:  

“There is a modern proverb going around in the Church which I’ve used and which I’ve heard used quite often. It goes like this: ‘A Christian loves everyone, but he doesn’t have to like everyone.’ There’s a certain degree of truth to that maxim, because feelings-wise it is true that we are more drawn to some people than to others. The problem is not with what the maxim says, but with why we use it, and how we use it to justify our treatment of others whom we are supposed to love (‘in Christ’) but whom we do not like. Quite often this kind of thinking gives us a loophole from having to treat them warmly and kindly. Quite often it justifies our avoiding people in the Church we don’t like or just treating them with formal politeness when we can’t avoid bumping into them.”

“What is Christian love for a person you don’t particularly like? Is it just peaceful co-existence in a forever-chilly atmosphere? Or is it striving to like them, always starting out fresh with every meeting of that person – ready and open to befriend them?”

“What should concern us is the hardened stance we take toward some people who rub us the wrong way – as though it is carved in stone that forever we shall be on foul terms with them. ‘I just can’t stand him and I never will!’ There’s no room for this kind of bullheadedness in the Christian fellowship. We certainly have these kinds of feelings about some people, but we should never accept these feelings and allow ourselves to feel comfortable with them.”

“What do you do about someone in the Body you don’t care for? Do you try to stay out of his way? Ephesians 4:31-32 says, ‘Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another …’ Notice it doesn’t say, bestow your warmth only on those you feel warm to. It assumes that warmth will flow between everyone in the fellowship.”

“But someone may say, isn’t that hypocritical? Acting kindly to someone you don’t feel kindly to? You know, it’s amazing how acting like you have positive regard for someone will eventually lead you to have positive regard for them. We usually think that behavior follows feelings. We behave as we feel; that is true. But it is also a sound psychological and spiritual principle that feelings follow behavior; we feel as we behave.”

“I remember one time moving into a community to minister where another pastor was already located toward whom I had quite negative feelings. But there I was, and I had to work with the man for the cause of Jesus Christ in that community, and so I resolved to do so in a warm, positive way. This I did, and as time passed I found my feelings changing, my dislike for the man falling away, and I came to have high regard for his style of ministry. A genuine, spontaneous friendship developed between us. It is a friendship I will always treasure because it was not always so, and it is one I had to work at.”

“No, it is not hypocrisy to say a good word or do a kind act for a brother or sister toward whom you feel negatively. At the very least, these things keep the wheels of the fellowship greased and promote harmony in the body. But at the very most, they chip away at your prejudices and feelings of dislike and give you a new understanding of, if not a new warmth for, your brother or sister. Such action is not hypocrisy if the whole aim is to promote the fellowship and to build new bridges where others were torn down or never existed.”

“‘Walk in love,’ says the author of Ephesians. This is very sound moral advice, but it remains just that – dead and hollow advice – unless we have help from beyond ourselves to put it into effect. We are to ‘walk in love’ as Christ ‘loved us and gave himself up for us.’ (Eph. 5:2) What enables me to walk in love with brothers and sisters whom I might not ordinarily choose to walk with? It is the realization that, … although I was hopelessly wrapped up in myself and oblivious to God and God’s way, God nevertheless acted in love for me. God sent his Son to die on the cross in my place. God forgave me. God forgives me again and again. There is power in your life when you accept this tremendous love of God’s. There is power that enables you to walk in love with your brothers and sisters. Open your heart to the kind, tenderhearted, forgiving Spirit of God. If you do, you will become kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Perhaps it's time to tear up that list.

From: "Walk in Love"

Scripture: Ephesians 4:30 - 5:2